SHARING FUNNY JOKE!!!!

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hahahahah
wham u hit the jackpot !!!!!!!!!!
chill-giggs11-

[Funnynunny]

ok ladies and gentlemen this one is called priests on vacation in hawaii! 2 priests decided to go to hawaii on vacation. they determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.....NOTHING! as soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. the next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their tourist garb. they were sitting on the beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. they couldn't help but stare. as the blonde passed them, she smiled and saidgood morning father"good morning father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passeed by. they were both stunned. how in the world did she know they were priest6s? the next day they went back to the store bought even more outrageous outfits. these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them. once again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine etc. after a while, the same gorgeous blonde wearing a string bikini taking her sweet tome came walking toward them. they were glad the were wearing sunglasses because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads. again she approacjhed them and greeted them individually. "good morning father," and started to walk away. one of the priests couldn't stand it and saidjust one minute young lady." "yes?" she replied. "we are priests, and proud of it, but i hve to know, how in the world did you know we are priests?" "father, it's me, sister leona marie!" lmaooooooooo!!!

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well now that what i call sister act!!!!!!!!hahaha!!!!!!
chill-giggs11-

[Funnynunny]

ok this one is called THE BATHROOM RULES. 1. lift seat cover before starting. 2. CAUTION! all women place seat in proper postion before sitting. 3. do not waste paper---use both sides. if paper is scarce use your ingenuity but be careful for hygiene reasons. 4. do not confuse toilet brush with toothbrush. 5. save electricity---learn to aim in the dark. 6. long timers be warn! after 2 hours ejectirchair will start working. 7. we suggest you whistle or sing to obliterate inappropriate noises. song sheets are available from the host. 8. when writing graffiti on wall---use only waterproof colors and brushes of good quality. please write legibly. 9. flush only when a risk of suffocation or feeling of sickness accurs. 10. WARNING! when dispatching excessive amounts there is a strong possibility of blockage. flush several times and hope for the best. 11. if flooding occurs---keep calm. life vest is under your seat. tread water until help arives. 12. avoid crowds---max: 16 persons in this room....lmaooo enjoy all!!!

[Funnynunny]

three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. they decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to sunday school. so they went to the nearest church. only the janitor was there, one saidwe need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. will you baptize us?' "sure," said the janitor. he took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. then saidnow get out of here and play." when they got outside, dripping wet, one of them asked,"what religion do you think we are?" the oldest one saidwe're not katlick, because they pour the water on you. we're not bablist because they dunk all of you in it. we're not methdiss because they just sprinkle you." the littlest one said, didn't you smell that water?" "yes. what do you think that means?" "that means we're *****copalians." lmaoooooo!!!

[Funnynunny]

2 aliens landed in the west texas desert near an abandoned gas station. they approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed itgreetings, earthing. we come in peace. take us to your leader." the gas pump, of course, didn't respond. the repeated the greeting. there was no response. the alien, annoyed by what he perseived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatientlygreetings, earthling. we come in peace. how dare you ignore us in this way! take us to your leader, or i'll fire!" the other alien shouted to his comrade "no, you don't want to make him mad!" but before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. there was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap. when finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and saidwhat a ferocious creature. it damn near killed us! how did you know it was so dangerous?" the other alien answered,"if there's one thing i've learned during my travels through the galaxy...any guy who can wrap his &private around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"..lmaooooo!!!

[Funnynunny]

ok this one is called BEWARE OF FEMALE PREDATORS! important notice- police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub reulars to be more alert and cautious when accepting a drink off from a girl. there is a date rape drug going around called "BEER" and it appears in liquid form. the drug is being by a female sexual predators at parties to convince male victims to have sex with them. "BEER" is available virtually anywhere. all girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "BEER" and simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. men are rendered helpless against such attacks. after several "BEERS" men will often succumb to performing sex acts on horrific looking women who they would never normally be attracted to. men often wake up after having "BEER" with only haxy memories of wht happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occured. at other times unfortunate men might be conned into familiar scam known as "a relationship" apparently men are easier victims for this scam after the "BEER" has been administistered and they have already been sexually attacked. forward this to every male you know.......however, if you fall a victim to this insidious drug and the predatory women administering it, there male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open manner with a bunch of similarily-affected guys. for your nearest support group just look up 'PUBS' in the yellow pages. lmaoooooooo!!!!

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heheheheh!!!!!!!! now it proves that aliens are stupid!!!!!!!

[Funnynunny]

this is a great example of "did i say that out loud?" this happened at harvard university in oct. last year. in a biology class, the professor was disgussing the high glucose levels found in semen which gives the sperm all the energy for their journey. a female freshman raised her hand and askedif i understand you correctly, you're saying there is a lot of glucose. as in surgar in semen?" "that's correct," responedthe professor, going on to add satistical info. raising her hand again, she askedthen why doesn't it taste sweet?" after a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said(or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class, never to return. however, as she was going out the door, the professor's reply was classic. totally straight-faced he answered her question. "it doesn't tasted sweet because the taste buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the of your throat. have a good day." lmaoooooo!!!! sorry i had to share this!!!!

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heheheeh !!!!!!!!!!.....cool profs in harvard !!!!!!!

[Funnynunny]

this joke is a cute one!!!! little margie usually slept through class. one day her teacher, a nun, called on her while she was nappingtell me, margie, who created the universe?" when margie didn't stir, little johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "god almighty!" shouted margie. the nun saidvery good", and margie fell back to sleep. a little while later the nun asked margiewho is our lord and savior?" but margie didn't even stir from her slumber. once again, litle johnny came to the rescue and stuck her with the pin again. "jesus christ!" shouted margie. the nun saidvery good" and margie fell back to sleep. the the nun asked margie a third question. "what did eve say to adam after she had her twenty-third child?" again margie didn't stir and johnny came to the rescue. this time margie jumped up and shoutedif you stick that darn thing in me one more time, i'll break it in half!".....the nun fainted! lmaooooooo!!!!!

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..................(the dots are my taers i laughed until my tears started to come ............................................................)[:D
cool!!!!!!!!

[Funnynunny]

ok this one is called saddam's chauffeur! saddam hussein and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. they killed it instantly. saddam told his drivergo to da farm over dere and hexplain to da honor of da pig what 'appened." one hour later, saddam sees his driver staggering back from the farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other. "what 'appen to you?" he asked. "well, the farmer gave me a bottle of wine and the cigar, and then his wife and their 19 year-old daughter made wild passionate love with me for an hour." "my god! what did you tell dem?" asked president hussein. the driver answeredgood evening, i'm saddam hussein's shauffeur and i have just killed the pig." lmaoooooooooo

[Funnynunny]

this one is very cute! little melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about history of valentine's day. "since valentine's day is for christian saint and we are jewish," she askswill god get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" melissa's father thinks for a bit, then saysno, i don't think god will get mad. who do you want to give a valentine to?" "osama bin laden," she says. "why osama bin laden?" her father asks in shock. "well," she saysI thought if a little amercian jewish girl could have enough love to give osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. and if other kids saw wht i did and sent valentines to osama, he'd love everyone alot. and then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "melissa, that's the most wonderful thing i've ever heard." "i know," melissa saysand once that gets him out in the open, our marines could blow the blank out of him." lmaooooooooooo!!!!!

[Funnynunny]

ok this is the last one ok and its called a lexus! a lady walks into a lexus dealership. she browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. as she bneds to feel the fine leather upholstry, she passes gas loudly. very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. as she turns back, there, standing next to her is a salesman. "good day, madam. how may we help you today?" very uncomforably she asks,"sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" he answerslady, if you pass gass just touching it, you're gonna poop when you hear the price." lmaooooooooo!!!!!

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heheheheheh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u gonna make me go histeria !!!!!!! the saddam one is cool!!!!!!!!!
and the osam one well the little girl could be the next world dictator !!!!!!!

[Funnynunny]

this joke was sent to me from sheryl. sheryl you can put these jokes on here before or after you send themt o me if you want to if not i'll do it for you ok? ok this one is called the clintons! bill and hillary were at the yankee's home opener, sitting in the first row, with the secret service people directly behind them. one of the secret service guys leaned forward and said something to bill. clinton stared at the guy, looked at hillary, looked back at the agent, and shrugged his shoulders. then, he picked up hillary by the coat collar and the seat of her pants, and dropped her right over the wall onto the feild. she's kicking and swearing and screaming, and the crowd goes wild. they're cheering, applauding and high-fiving. bill is bowing and smiling, when the agent leaned forward and says i said, they want you to throw out the fist PITCH!!!!!...LMAOOOOOOOO!!!

[Funnynunny]

ok sheryl sent me this one to its called some very good advice for men!!!! this bald guy on the local beach just couldn't make it with any of the girls, so he heads over to the lifeguard tower to see if the lifeguard has any advice for him. "dude, it's obvious," says the lifeguardyou're wearin' them to baggy old swimmin trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. they're years outta style! your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of spandex speedos-about tow sizes too small-and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. i'm tellin ya man...you'll have babes all over you!' the following weekend, the guy hits the beach with his spanking new tight speedos, and his fist-sized potato...and cryin' out loud! its worse than before! everybody on the beach acts disgusted as he walks by, covering their faces, turning away, looking sick, and laughing! so the guy goes back to the lifeguard again and asks himwhat's wrong now?" "jeez!" says the lifeguardthe potato goes in front!"...lmaooooooooo!!!!

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hehehehecool thing the US president did !!!!!!!!!

[Funnynunny]

ok this one is called dear abby! dear abby, my husband is a liar and a cheat. he has cheated on me from the beginning. when i confront him, he denies everything. what's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. it is so humilitating! also, since he lost his job 2 years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. all he does is sits around the living room in his underwear and watch tv while i work to pay the bills. and since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me. he keeps calling me a lesbian. what should i do? sighned clueless!....dear clueless, dump him. you're a new york senator now. you don't need him anymore....sighned: abby! lmao!