SHARING FUNNY JOKE!!!!

by **giggs11** » August 29th, 2003, 11:46 am

heheh the 12th one beats every thing man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chill-giggs11-

by **iuekra** » August 29th, 2003, 5:52 pm

Stormy, you and Giggs are such BAD boys

by **Sheryl** » August 29th, 2003, 10:33 pm

OK here's mine, no offense intended to the men on this forum, it's all in fun

1. Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in
pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

2. Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck
and the noose.

3. Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

4. Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to
revolve around him. OR
Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him
brag about the screwing
part.

5. Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

6. Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
and calling your
name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

7. Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

8. Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts .

9. Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

10. Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants
every woman to satisfy his one need.

11. Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

12. Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

by **giggs11** » August 30th, 2003, 11:45 am

hehehe now its "bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do when they come for u" hehehe all of them are funny but the one i like is Q #10
chill-giggs11-

by **Funnynunny** » August 30th, 2003, 9:25 pm

this is cool more jokes..there are funny lmaooo!!! ok here's another ok? the teacher, ms. pelzer, was very curious about how each of her students celebrated christmas. she called on young patrick murphy. "tell me patrick what do you do at christmas time?" she asked. patrick addressed the classwell ms. pelzner, me and my 12 brothers and sisters go to the midnight mass and we sing hyms, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. then all excited we go to bed and wait for father christmas to come with all our toys." "very nice patrick," she said. "now jimmy brown what do you do at christmas?" "well, ms.jones, me and my sister also go to church with mum and dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. we put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. we hardly sleep, waiting for santa claus to bring our presents." realizing there was a jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the isscussion, she asked," now, cohen, what do you do at christmas?" isaac saidwell it's the same thing every year. dad comes home from the office. we all pile into the rolls royce, then we drive to his toy factory. when we get inside, we look at all the empty shelevs andbegin to sing what a friend we have in jesus. the we all go to the bahamas."..lmaooooo!!!

by **giggs11** » August 30th, 2003, 10:01 pm

hahahhaha funny real one!!!!!!!

by **VirginKiller** » August 30th, 2003, 10:26 pm

I ain't gonna fight with girls cause they are my weekness point but remember that behind those beautiful cute and peaceful creatures there's a devil hiding..........

:D

Can't live with them but Can't live without them.......have mercy on us...LOL

by **havocec** » August 31st, 2003, 2:17 am

do you know what P. M. S. stands for?

Putting up with Men's Sh*t.
Men are my favorite toys

starfish wishes and caviar dreams. starfish can move in any direction without turning.

by **havocec** » August 31st, 2003, 2:22 am

knock knock!

who's there?

Emmersom.

Emmersom who?

emmersom nice t*t's chick.

starfish wishes and caviar dreams. starfish are not asymmetrical. they can their arms any way they please.

by **Funnynunny** » August 31st, 2003, 8:41 am

ok, this is one is called a blonde selling her car! a blonde was trying to sell her old car. she was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. one day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. the brunette told herthere is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "that doesn't matter," replied the blondeif i can only sell the car." "okay," said the brunette. "here is the address if a friend of mine. he owns a car repair shop. tell him i sent you and he will fix it. then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car." the following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. about 1 month after that, the brunette asked the blondedid you sell your car?" "no," replied the blondewhy should i? it only has 50,000 miles on it!" lol

by **Funnynunny** » August 31st, 2003, 8:53 am

this one is called horseback riding! a blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. she mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. in terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. she tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. the horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. as her head is battered against the ground she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when her great fortune, bobby, the walmart greeter sees her and unplugs the horse......THANK GOD FOR HEROS!!! LMAO

by **Funnynunny** » August 31st, 2003, 9:03 am

ok this one is called HEADACHE! a police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home 4 hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. just then his wife sleepily sat up and saidmike,dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some asprin? i've got a splitting headache." "certainly honey" he said and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. as he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprisesay," said the druggisti know you- aren't you a policeman? officer fenwick, right?" "yeah, so?" said the officer "well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the fire chief?"...lmaooooo

by **Funnynunny** » August 31st, 2003, 9:12 am

ok this one is called god bless us old people! a little old lady goes to the doctor and saysdoctor i have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. my farts never smell and are always silent. as a matter of fact, i've farted at least 20 times since i've been here in your office. you didn't know i was farting because they don't smell and are silent." the doctor says i see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." the next week the lady comes back. "doctor," she says i don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly." the doctor saysgood!!! now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing." lmaoooo

by **giggs11** » August 31st, 2003, 9:36 am

heheheh cool one funnynunny heheheheh
keep it coming lol!!!!!1

by **Funnynunny** » August 31st, 2003, 9:54 am

nah giggs i'm tired now i'm going to bed i'll see ya later with more surprised jokes ok good night everyone!!!

by **Stormchaser** » September 2nd, 2003, 11:10 pm

Great jokes Funnynunny

Since we're back to blondes:

A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So she goes to the library and reads and researches ice fishing. Then she goes to the sporting goods store and buys everything she needs.
Then she finally thinks she is ready so she goes out to the ice and starts drilling a hole. Suddenly she hears a voice from up above. It says: "There are no fish under the ice."
So she decides to go farther down on the ice. She starts drilling and she hears the voice again: "There are no fish under the ice."
So she packs up her things and moves down the ice again. She starts drilling and she hears the voice againThere are no fish under the ice."
"Is that you Lord?" she says.
"No," says the voiceI'm the manager of the ice hockey rink."

by **Sheryl** » September 2nd, 2003, 11:56 pm

OK I've got another one

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool
and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice,
the woman next to him saysBefore you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair -
giving that you are blind that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declaresNah...
Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

by **Anchez** » September 3rd, 2003, 8:48 am

For All The Men Who Like To Send Or Tell Blonde Jokes
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know. it has never happened.
Q. Why is difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A. They all already have boyfriends.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.
Q. How do you get a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

by **giggs11** » September 3rd, 2003, 1:12 pm

heheheh if i were the blind man i will tell the joke !!!!!!!!
bad boys for life!!!!!!!!!!!!

by **Stormchaser** » September 3rd, 2003, 4:23 pm

Ouch Anchez! I’ll get off the blonde jokes(for now). Here’s a spicy one I found:
A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.
One day while taking a stroll she came upon a neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemenWhat do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

The gentlemen respondedWell, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the womanBy the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No" she repliedbut my cucumbers are enormous."

SHARING FUNNY JOKE!!!!

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