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SHARING FUNNY JOKE!!!!
by Miss B » August 21st, 2003, 9:32 pm
3 Old men are talking about the problems that come with Aging. The 70 yr old saysIt takes me half an hour just to take a pee!" The 80 yr old says,"You lucky, I can sit on the toilet for an hour and still have problems." The 90 yr old saysO my problem is I pee every morning promptly at 7AM." Well" says the other manthat that doesn't sound like too much of a problem!" "But it is," said the 90 year oldI don't wake up until 8!"
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Miss B
- Posts: 156
- Joined: January 6th, 2003, 9:09 pm
- Location: USA
by olfie » August 21st, 2003, 10:51 pm
Did you know that Viagra is now coming out in a spray bottle?
They have people testing this product at home and recently a man mistakenly used it as arm deoderant.Poor guy couldn't get his arms down for 2 hours!!
They have people testing this product at home and recently a man mistakenly used it as arm deoderant.Poor guy couldn't get his arms down for 2 hours!!
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olfie
- Posts: 20
- Joined: June 23rd, 2003, 2:50 pm
- Location: Canada
by Funnynunny » August 25th, 2003, 4:23 am
...lmao at the viagra joke to funny!!!! miss b awesome joke i luv it lmaoooo...i have no jokes today but i'll surprise you all with more soon ok? peace out!!!!
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Funnynunny
- Posts: 6742
- Joined: April 23rd, 2003, 1:47 am
- Location: USA
by Anchez » August 27th, 2003, 9:43 am
Comparing men to women...
NICKNAMES - If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a night, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, PeanutHead and Numb-Nuts.
EATING OUT - When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY - A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS - A man has six items in his bathroom: A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS - A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS - Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE - A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS - A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE - A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP - A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL - Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING - Ah, children! A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favourite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
NICKNAMES - If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a night, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, PeanutHead and Numb-Nuts.
EATING OUT - When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY - A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS - A man has six items in his bathroom: A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS - A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS - Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE - A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS - A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE - A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
DRESSING UP - A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL - Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING - Ah, children! A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favourite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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Anchez
- Posts: 459
- Joined: May 6th, 2003, 10:45 am
by Funnynunny » August 27th, 2003, 9:51 pm
...ok here i go again..a father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by sayinggod bless mommy, god bless daddy, god bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa." that father said "why did you say good-bye grandpa?' the little girl said "i don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." the next day grandpa died. the father thought it was a strange coincidence. until, a few months later the father put the little girl to bed and listended to her: "god bless mommy god bless daddy, good-bye grandma." next day the grandmother died. my gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. then, several weeks later he heard her saygod bless mommy and godd-bye daddy." he practically went into shock. couldn't sleep all night and got up the crack of dawn to go to his office. he was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. when he got home his wife saidi've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" he said "i've just spent the worst day of my life." she said "you think you had a bad day; you'll never believe what happened to me! this morning the mailman dropped dead on our front porch!"
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Funnynunny
- Posts: 6742
- Joined: April 23rd, 2003, 1:47 am
- Location: USA
by Funnynunny » August 27th, 2003, 10:09 pm
ok this joke is called the phone call..."hello?" "hi, honey this is daddy"..."is your mummy near the phone?" "no daddy. she's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle frank." after a brief pause, daddy saysbut you haven't got an uncle frank, honey!" "oh yes, i do, and he's upstairs in the room with mummy right now!" "uh,okay,then...here's what i want you to do. put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to mummy and uncle frank that daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house." "okay daddy!" a few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "well, i did what you said daddy." "and what happened?" he asks. "well, mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead." "oh my god!!!!! and what about uncle frank?" "he jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool...but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too." ***long pause***....***more pause* then daddy saysswimming pool???? is this 727-888-9909?"...lmaoooooo enjoy all!!!
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Funnynunny
- Posts: 6742
- Joined: April 23rd, 2003, 1:47 am
- Location: USA
by Stormchaser » August 27th, 2003, 11:15 pm
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie saysSince I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette saysI've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head saysI've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asksMy dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpersI wish my friends were still here."
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie saysSince I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette saysI've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head saysI've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asksMy dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpersI wish my friends were still here."
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Stormchaser
- Posts: 1045
- Joined: February 13th, 2003, 5:36 pm
- Location: USA
by iuekra » August 28th, 2003, 2:48 am
Women Drivers
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!!
It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my darn electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. And... In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees to steer, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone and......
DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!!!!!
Dumb women drivers!!!!
Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!!
It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my darn electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. And... In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees to steer, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone and......
DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!!!!!
Dumb women drivers!!!!
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iuekra
- Posts: 156
- Joined: March 11th, 2003, 12:57 am
- Location: USA
by Anchez » August 28th, 2003, 7:53 am
It is long ,but it made me smile....
50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab!!!
1.Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2.Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3.When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4.Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5.Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6.Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7.Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8.Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9.Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10.Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11.Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12.Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13.Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14.Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15.Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
16.Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17."DISK FIGHT!!!"
18.Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19.Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
21.Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22.Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23.When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24.Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25.Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26.Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27.If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
28.Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29.Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
30.Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
31.Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
32.Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
33.Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, humits note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
34.Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
35.Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
36.Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37.When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
38.Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39.Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
40.Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
41.Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42.Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
43.Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44.See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45.Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
46.Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
47.Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
48.Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
49.Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
50.Two words: Tesla Coil.
50 Ways to Mess With People in a Computer Lab!!!
1.Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2.Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3.When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4.Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5.Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6.Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7.Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8.Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
9.Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.
10.Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.
11.Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
12.Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.
13.Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.
14.Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.
15.Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say "Oops, I forgot."
16.Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
17."DISK FIGHT!!!"
18.Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).
19.Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
20If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
21.Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
22.Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.
23.When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.
24.Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
25.Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.
26.Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.
27.If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.
28.Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
29.Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
30.Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
31.Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.
32.Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
33.Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, humits note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
34.Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.
35.Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.
36.Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
37.When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
38.Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
39.Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
40.Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
41.Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
42.Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
43.Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
44.See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.
45.Bring an small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.
46.Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
47.Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.
48.Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.
49.Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".
50.Two words: Tesla Coil.
-
Anchez
- Posts: 459
- Joined: May 6th, 2003, 10:45 am
by giggs11 » August 28th, 2003, 11:16 am
hehehehehhahahahab!!!!!!!!!! and girl did u try the things u said???????????( exspeasialy "13.Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.")
any cool one gang heheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!!!!!
ciao-giggs11-
any cool one gang heheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!!!!!
ciao-giggs11-
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giggs11
- Posts: 926
- Joined: March 14th, 2003, 9:29 pm
- Location: Italy
by Stormchaser » August 28th, 2003, 4:32 pm
What A Woman/Man Really Means
What a woman says, what she really means...
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!
What a man says, what he really means...
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!
What a woman says, what she really means...
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!
What a man says, what he really means...
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!
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Stormchaser
- Posts: 1045
- Joined: February 13th, 2003, 5:36 pm
- Location: USA
by dirty__mind » August 28th, 2003, 11:00 pm
3ajabetneh nektak VK. wa7ad wa2a3 bel 7obb am kasar ejro. hehehe ba3doun hol lnekat a7la men nekatoun
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dirty__mind
- Posts: 48
- Joined: August 2nd, 2003, 4:31 pm
- Location: Lebanon
by Stormchaser » August 28th, 2003, 11:18 pm
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
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Stormchaser
- Posts: 1045
- Joined: February 13th, 2003, 5:36 pm
- Location: USA
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