SHARING FUNNY JOKE!!!!

[fos daddy]

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the
porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!'
he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?'
he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck.
This is your grandma's idea.'

[angel68]

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the
porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!'
he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?'
he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck.
This is your grandma's idea.'

I can´t get the pics of this joke out of my head

[Daniel Gartsman]

"Why do silly jokes involving... um... faeces... make us laugh? And they are most funny for children"

do we need to vote for the best and witty one?

[Freshly Squeezed]

I grew up in Texas and the South. I can tell you this is sooooooooo true!


Things I know from living in the South


A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

Jawl-P? means Did y'all go to the bathroom?

People actually grow and eat okra.

Fixinto is one word. It means I'm fixing to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

The word jeet is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?

You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

Ya'll is singular, all ya'll is plural.

You measure distance in minutes.

You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You know what a DAWG is.

You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tonys, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.

You know what a hissy fit is.

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin' or off to Wally World.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.

A saw is a tool. But if something happens - you seen it!

[fos daddy]

The Irish Funeral

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said ,

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"


"My wife's."


''What happened to her?"
"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

[Invitado]

Ok , I`m not a good judge cause I laugh with everything , but someone post this one in FB and I like it :

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her “ I never want t olive in a vegetative state , dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive . That would be no quality of life at all.If that ever happens , just pull the plug ….“

So she got up , unplugged the computer , and threw out my wine . She`s such a *** .

[maha]

I don’t know is it a joke, but absolutely scary, from one side and funny from another story that happened after the Scorpions concert: last Saturday my friend and I were arrested in Donezk airport, cuz we have illegally got on a take-off field to spend Scorpions (Klaus) aboard the plane. Nobody has paid to it of attention, at first, but then security called the police and they taken away our passports from us. Our two friends also have withdrawn because they were without passports, all were frightened, though understood that nobody will be in prison, but I was afraid to be late for a train which was in 2 hours.
The policeman has written down our indications and here was found out that he’s the fan of hard rock too, and I think it has rescued us, but we didn’t left the airport and continued to search for adventures, cuz. we couldn’t let Klaus go without our GOOD BYU! Anyway, we couldn’t do this cuz the plane was late and we went to the train. So, It was my first time have a business with police 

[fos daddy]

Barrack Obama, Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey were flying on Obama's
private plane


Obama looked at Oprah, chuck​led and said, 'You know, I could throw a
$1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy

Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, 'I could throw ten $100 bills
out of the window and make ten people very happy


Michelle added,'That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10
bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy



.

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his
co-pilot, 'Such big-shots back there


I could throw all of them out of out of window and make 56 million people very happy

[Nadin]

that's a strong one, Tom

[Daniel Gartsman]

- Honey, let's have a sex! (optimistically)
- Dear, my head explodes, i'm too tired, and it's almost period...
- Go to sleep, i'm speaking on the phone...

[Daniel Gartsman]

"I was going to work when firstly i got stucked in the jam, then my front door seized up. Incredibly
, i got stucked in the elevator in the office - had wasted two hours before i was taken out. During the short lunch-break i sticked my hand into the kettle' handle and barely took her back... Guys, i'm not superstitious, but, probably, i'll be havin' a sex tonight.... And I'M AFRAID..."

[Inulka]

Daniel, ur last jokes r not fun at all, just vulgar.

[fos daddy]

Daniel, ur last jokes r not fun at all, just vulgar.

So true ...
those jokes are so weak that a steriod shot wouldnt make them strong

[Daniel Gartsman]

Daniel, ur last jokes r not fun at all, just vulgar.

[DeepAndDark]

Daniel, ur last jokes r not fun at all, just vulgar.

They may be acceptable in a company of men only. Though I doubt that they would be accepted by all men.

[Invitado]

Daniel ,..... I don`t know if you already got the message, ....... ladies want you out ! ( from this thread )

[fos daddy]

Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall, all the kings horses and all the kings men, had scrambled eggs for breakfast
and thats no yoke

[fos daddy]

3 ducks walk into a nightclub and sit up at the bar ..
the bartender Steve comes up and introduces himself to the first duck ..
Hi im Steve ,,, whats your name and how are you ?? .. what would you like to drink ?
the 1st duck says .. hi im Huey and im just great ... ive been in and out of puddles all day .. id like a beer .
Then Steve waited on the second duck
Hi im Steve ,,, whats your name and how are you ?? .. what would you like to drink ?
the 2nd duck says .. Hi im Dewey and im just great .. ive been in and out of puddles all day .. id like a beer also ..
Then Steve waited on the third duck ..
Hi im Steve ,,, Dont tell me your name is Louie ,,
The third duck replied No .. Im Puddles !

[Inulka]

poor puddles

[fos daddy]

Bob walks into a bar and he sees Santa , The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy sitting at a table laughing and having a good time together...
Bob turns to the bartender and says ,, i cant believe the ppl u let in this place !