SHARING FUNNY JOKE!!!!

by **Funnynunny** » October 1st, 2003, 10:00 pm

this one is called hillbilly interview!!! a young man graduated from the university of tennessee with a degree in journalism. his first assignment for the newspaper that hired him was to write a human-interest story. being from tessessee, the young man decided to go out into the backcountry to do his research. he went to an old farmers house way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer and proceeded to explain why he was there. the young man askedhas anything ever happened around here that made you happy?" the farmer thought about the young man's question for a minute and saidyep! one time one of my neighbors sheep got lost. we formed a posse, went out into the woods and found it. we all screwed it then took it back home." "i can't print that!" the young reporter exclaimed. "can you think of anything else that happened around here that made you or alot of your neighbors happy?" after a moment, the farmer saidyeah, one tome my neighbors wife, a good looking women, got lost. we formed a big posse that time and went out into the woods and found her. after we all screwed her, we took her back home." again, the young man said "i can't print that either. OK then, how about this? has anything ever happened around here that made you sad?" the old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed. after a few seconds, he looked up timidly at the young reporter and saidi got lost once." lmaoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! thank you again sheryl!!!!

by **Lady Starlight** » October 2nd, 2003, 3:15 am

ok - here are a few I just received -- PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE - THESE ARE JUST JOKES!!!

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.
-------------------------------------
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US leader
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Why is air a lot like sex?

Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
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What do you get when you put 50 lesbians & 50 politicians in a room?

100 people who don't do dick.
------------------------------------

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.
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What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities
-------------------------------------]
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

45 lbs.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend & a husband?

45 minuntes.
------------------------------------
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark & ***
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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.

Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.
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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA
------------------------------------
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

Ok, that's it for now.....

!!!

by **giggs11** » October 2nd, 2003, 8:17 pm

cool and very out of this world jokes gang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!! the best came from lady starlight very funny jokes!!!!!
lmao-giggs11-

by **gohesse** » October 7th, 2003, 1:15 am

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowdChildren are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice saidRain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers."

by **gohesse** » October 7th, 2003, 1:22 am

this was actual conversation between a pre-schooler and a teacher at our ST John Lutheran School...

teacher : Do you know where God lives?
student : He lives in our bathroom.

Teacher :why do you think God lives in your bathroom?
student : Because every morning my dad talks to him through the bathroom door saying "My LORD, how long are you gonna be in there??"

by **Stormchaser** » October 8th, 2003, 5:16 pm

Things that happen in real life are often much funnier than made up jokes. Thanks for the laugh gohesse.

by **gohesse** » October 9th, 2003, 3:28 am

Baptist Dog

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner then
brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife.

"Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf,
scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.
"Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw.
The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog.
That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed.
One man askedCan he do regular dog tricks, too?"
"I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied.
He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and
began to howl.
The pastor looked at his wife in shock and saidGood Lord! He's
Pentecostal !!!!

by **havocec** » October 9th, 2003, 3:33 pm

Bell Ringer

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter", said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment? convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music that had heard only moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them askedBishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied,....."but his face rings a bell"

WAIT! WAIT! There's more......

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him saidYour Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition and the armless man's brother stooped, picked up a mallet and stuck the bells as beautifully as his brother. But as he finished, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishops cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but....

(..Wait for it..)

(..It's worth it...)

"BUT HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER."
starfish wishes and caviar dreams. if a starfish loses an arm, a new arm will regenerate.

by **Funnynunny** » October 12th, 2003, 10:05 am

lmaoooooooooooooooooooo....ah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!awesome jokes everyone keep it up lmaoooooooooo!!!!!

by **giggs11** » October 12th, 2003, 9:35 pm

hahahahhehehehehahahaohohoho !!!!!!!!!very funny guys keeep it comin!!!!!

by **Anchez** » October 13th, 2003, 2:24 pm

Drunk Talk
Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon.

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

Specificity; Cogito ergo sum; British; Constitution;
Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate.

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex; Nope, no more booze for
me; Sorry, but you're not really my type; Good evening, officer,
isn't it lovely out tonight? Oh, I just couldn't-no one wants
to hear me sing!

by **giggs11** » October 14th, 2003, 9:42 pm

heheheehe!!!!!!guess thats right!!!!!!

by **havocec** » October 17th, 2003, 12:38 pm

An elderly woman seats herself at the bar on a cruise ship. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. " A scotch with two drops of water, please" is her reply. So, the bartender prepares her drink. "How are you enjoying the cruise?" he asks. "It's wonderful", she replies,"This cruise is my 80th birthday present to myself and today is my birthday." "That's wonderful" exclaims the bartenderI'll buy this round of drinks for you as a birthday present."
Word is passed around the bar that it is the lady's 80th birthday and soon several patrons are buying her drinks in celebration. She always orders the same drink, scotch with two drops of water. The bartender becomes curious at her preference of drink and asksWhy scotch and just two drops of water?" he inquiresWhy not a scotch and water or scotch on the rocks or straight up?" "Well, sonny" she replies "At my age I can still hold my liquor but I can't hold my water!"

by **havocec** » October 17th, 2003, 7:00 pm

THE TICKET

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to hime and saidCome on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil-necked geek. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires!

So I called him a piece of horses**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care.

..................

My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

by **havocec** » October 20th, 2003, 6:10 pm

A woman is visiting her blonde friend. Her friend has just acquired two dogs.

"What did you name them?" she inquired. "Timex and Rolex", her blonde friend proudly stated. "Why Timex and Rolex?", the woman asked, puzzled by her friend's choice of names.

"Hellooooooo, they're WATCH DOGS" replied the blonde.

by **Lady Starlight** » October 21st, 2003, 3:37 am

Ok - here's a funny one I just received:

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends or public holidays off
I work in a damp environment
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hrs straight
You fall asleep after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
And, if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,

The Management

by **Lonesome Crow** » October 21st, 2003, 3:44 am

by **Funnynunny** » October 21st, 2003, 9:08 am

lmaoooooooooooooooo....hahahahahaha!!!!! ladystarlight i love that joke can you please email me that joke to my hotmail i'll pm you ok? lmaoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!hi scorpions and hi to all the scoprs fans tooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

by **Funnynunny** » October 21st, 2003, 9:24 am

ok this one is called nude beach! a mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. as the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why. she told her son the bigger they are the dumber the person is." the boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother tht many of the men have larger "units" than his dad. his mother repliedthe bigger they are the dumber the person is." again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. shortly after, the boy returned again. he promptly told his motherdaddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets." lmaoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

by **Funnynunny** » October 21st, 2003, 9:53 am

this one is called the rules from the man's side! we always hear "the rules" from the female side. now here are the rules from the male side. these are our rules! please note... these are all numbered "1" on purpose!...1 learn to work the toilet seat. you're a big girl. if it's up, put it down. we need it up, you need it down, you don't here us complaining about you leaving it down...1. sunday=spots. it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. let it be. 1. shopping is NOT a sport. and no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1.crying is blackmail. 1. ask for what you want. let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! just say it! 1. yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. come to us with a problem only it you want help solving it. that's what we do. sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. a headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. see a doctor. 1.anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible. in fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. if you won't dress like the victoria's secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. if you think you're fat, you probably are. don't ask us. 1. if something we said can be interpreted 2 ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. not both. if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. christopher columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. pumpkin is also a fruit. we have no idea what mauve is. 1.if it itches, it will be scrathced. we do that. 1. if we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. we know you are lying, but it is just not worht the hassle. 1. if you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't wnat to hear. 1. when we have to go somewhere, absilutely anything you wear is fine...really. 1. don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. you have enough clothes. 1. you have too many shoes. 1. i am shape. round is a shape. 1. thank you for reading this. yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.....pass this to as many men as you can- to give them a laugh. then pass this to as many women as you can- to give them a bigger laugh!!!!lmaoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

SHARING FUNNY JOKE!!!!

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